


A Magic Knight

by skargasm



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-11
Updated: 2012-08-11
Packaged: 2017-11-11 22:49:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/483737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skargasm/pseuds/skargasm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A hidden longing....</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Magic Knight

**Author's Note:**

> This bounces off of a scene in season 3 of Merlin, during the last two episodes when Arthur and his new Knights were sleeping in the abandoned castle before the fight to save Camelot from Morgana. Anything you recognise is taken from that episode.

**Title:** → A Magic Knight  
 **Rating:** → R  
 **Pairing(s):** → Merlin/Lancelot  
 **Part:** → 1  
 **Beta(s):** → Unbeta'd but proofread  
 **Prompt(s):** → Prompt 'Admission' @  & Prompt #316: Dilapidated @   
**Genre:** AU  
 **Disclaimer:** → Proudly owned by the BBC who would no doubt frown and be most displeased at what I have them doing.....  
 **Word count:** → 1220  
 **Summary:** → A hidden longing......  
 **Banner:** Graphic by 

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[ ](http://imgur.com/ilrXy)   


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Strangely, the silence wasn't oppressive as they all quietly settled down within the dilapidated ruins of the abandoned castle. Merlin blinked away dust that had got into his eyes, rubbing the base of his palms against his lids to encourage his eyes to water. He was deep down, bone tired but he knew they were all feeling it. All feeling that pervading undertone of fear and adrenalin – tomorrow they faced who knew what? All they really had was tonight...

He started slightly as a body settled beside him on the floor, a catch in his throat as he realised it was Lancelot. He would have thought the knight would have settled down with his 'brothers' – that, or within sight of Guinevere.....

“It is you that Arthur should be knighting. You are the bravest of us all.” A flush crept up Merlin's cheeks at Lancelot's words. He couldn't hide how much the words meant to him – not so much about Arthur and being knighted, but that Lancelot – noble, faithful, _beautiful_ Lancelot thought he, Merlin, was brave. He allowed himself to savour the feeling for a moment before returning to the subject at hand. 

“It doesn't really matter – I don't do it for any reward – I just – I do it because it's the right thing to do.”

“What are you planning Merlin? I know you – don't try to hide from me.” What would Lancelot say if he realised just how _much_ Merlin was hiding? The feelings the noble knight ignited within him – the pain of watching Lancelot watching Gwen who was watching Arthur? He knew it was pointless but he couldn't seem to stop himself. Far better to aim for someone like Gwaine or Percival – one whose feelings perhaps did not run so deep but who would be kind and good to him....... But he knew he wouldn't turn to either of them. His mild crush on Arthur had passed and what he felt now was respect and a conviction that the former Prince would make an amazing King. 

But his subconscious hero worship of Lancelot had not waned. Instead it had deepened and grown into a deep ache within his chest, a confusing weight that he battled silently. He thought about speaking to Gaius about it but was too embarrassed. Besides, what would he do if his mentor looked at him with disgust? Asked him to leave? No, it was far easier to maintain his silence and mourn the loss of Lancelot when Uther so ungraciously banned him from Camelot. The chance to call Lancelot to their side was a strategic move that nevertheless re-lit the spark in his heart. 

“....what...?!” He realised that Lancelot had been speaking while he had been thinking so deeply. 

“I asked you to share your plans with me – you know I will support you in any way that I am able.”

“Of course – I know you would do that for any of us.” Merlin stared at the floor, wondering how much of his plan to destroy the Cup of Life he should share. 

“Merlin, I – it is true, I would provide such support for any of my brothers. But surely you must know that for you, I would do – that I do not feel for them the way I feel for you.” Merlin jerked his head upwards, finally meeting Lancelot's gaze. He was sure he had misheard, had inserted the admission he had longed to hear into the conversation. One look into Lancelot's eyes dispelled that notion. His eyes were such a deep brown as to be almost black, so kind and gentle looking, a touch of fear in them as Lancelot awaited his response. 

Fear – such a fiercesome knight felt fear awaiting his reponse. 

Quite suddenly his mouth was dry, his brain frozen as he tried to figure out what to say.

“I am sorry if I have offended thee – it was never my intention.” He could see Lancelot withdrawing, slipping into formal mode, hiding behind exquisite manners as he mistook Merlin's silence for rejection.

“NO!!! Sorry, no – no, you haven't offended me!” Merlin looked around quickly, aware that his raised voice might have drawn the attention of the others. Arthur appeared to be sleeping chastely alongside Gwen, the others individually rolled in their cloaks with no one paying them any attention. Another quick look in Gaius's direction to be sure that his teacher was not listening before he turned back to Lancelot. With great daring, he reached out for Lancelot's hand, conscious of his palms sweating as he risked so much. He sighed as his hand was instantly grasped in a much larger one, Lancelot's fingers callused from constant battle but strangely soft at the same time. “I had not realised – I did not dare to hope.......”

“For some time now I have realised that my feelings for Gwen were not what they had been. Perhaps time blunted them, perhaps I outgrew them – who knows? But I can clearly see that she and Arthur are meant to be. And I realised that my thoughts would often return to Camelot but were no longer focused where they had been before. I realised that your quiet strength and devotion, your steadfastness drew me in ways that I have never experienced. And that my longing to return to Camelot was based on a desire not only to fight at Arthur's side, but to see you again - to be with you. I have been blessed with a new family, Merlin, with a host of brothers that I respect and love, but my feelings for you are most definitely not fraternal.” 

“I – I don't know what to say. I – Lancelot, I have always been able to be myself with you – something that I can truly say I treasure as there is none other. You _know_ me better than anyone besides my mother and Gaius. You have never judged me nor questioned my mag- “

“Ssssh!! We do not need to discuss things any further at this point in time. We have the morrow to survive and once we have removed the Lady Morgana from Camelot, we can talk further, make plans. For now, I am content that my admission has not caused you pain or hardship and am blessed indeed that my feelings are returned. There is much more for me to fight for now than I have ever had before.” 

The softness of Lancelot's voice was belied by the tight grip he maintained on Merlin's hand, and finally, _finally_ , Merlin found himself accepting and believing that Lancelot truly felt as he did. He felt as triumphant as when he learnt a new spell; happier than he had felt when he saw Arthur and Gwen kiss for the first time and knew that she was as much a part of Arthur's destiny as Merlin was; it was like his magic welling up within him, bubbling to the surface with the joy he was feeling. For once, Merlin was not facing the battle with only his regard for Arthur's destiny as his motivation. This time, he would be going into battle with the knowledge in his heart that his feelings for Lancelot were returned, and it gave him so much more to fight for than he had ever had before.......

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fin

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End file.
